If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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