SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have peed in a lot of sinks
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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