Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize