Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
