I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
