Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
