i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
