I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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