i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i now understand why vodka
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
