I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
