I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize