Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
