Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
