I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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