she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
