I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
