I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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