my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
