she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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