official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
