I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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