I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
