I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
