I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
