Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
