A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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