I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize