I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize