Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
