Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
