The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
