me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
