i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Come see our sink grown plant.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
there is glitter all over my balls
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