The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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