I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize