So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
