I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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