I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
