I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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