Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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