I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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