at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
