Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
