WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
where are my eyebrows?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
