I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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