Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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