Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
