You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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