can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
