she woke up with a sticky ear
and you said cock pushups were impossible
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
