Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
this hospital has no fireball
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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