I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
