Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
