im six kinds of drunk right now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
