Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
