I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my being single is dangerous.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
