We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
