it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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