im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
