I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
People in love make me want to vomit
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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