dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
