he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
