gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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