I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
