I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
