I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
