Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize